le fourthe of july-e

earlier this week it occurred to me that i honestly had no idea why we celebrated the fourth of july here in the old u s of a. i was pretty sure it had something to do with independence and possibly the celebration of explosives but, sadly, my elementary school american history has been pushed out my brain by far more pressing information such as my facebook login. which, really? it important. facebook is where i learn about what people i never liked in high school are doing. sadly, they aren't doing much and i have found little evidence that any of them are passively stalking celebrities. there's maybe one broad who seems to have a lot to say about ini kamoze (i'm the lyrical gangsta) but i don't think she's really brought it a level that, say, we could commiserate about over coffee and scones.

anyway, fourth of july. so it seems that this holiday is dedicated to the independence of america from, uh, that...other...place with the people and the monarchy and maybe the spice girls? whatever, i'll ask google later for some details but the gist is that america became america. woo and hoo. but, really? who wouldn't give up some excess property in the middle of f'ing july? it is hot and i'm pretty sure that the oppressors were just ready to go back home and call this whole heated swamp a wash. yeah, i know not everyone lives in a swamp but i do and, frankly, it is hot. ungodly hot. unbearably hot. the kind of hot that makes you question whether humans should really live in such an awful place. and why do we celebrate the hot by generating more heat via explosives? this just seems like poor planning. the fouth of july should feature, say, the world's largest outdoor hvac system cranked down to 45 degrees and pointed directly at my face. they could have american flags blowing in the gentle conditioned air breeze and sammy davis jr could serenade us all with 'god bless mr. carrier'. only that wouldn't happen because everyone knows sammy davis jr is one of the dearly departed. sigh. when we perfect corpse reanimation the first in line should be the rat pack.

i'm at least hoping that this year santa claus gets my letter and the fireworks over the mississippi river explode in a red, white, and blue sparkly visage of the jolie-pitts. my country tis of jolie-pitt.

still haven't seen 'em. tricksy bastards.