this evening i watched what is, hands down, the most disturbing movie ever written. the wizard of oz.

the movie begins with one broad killing another broad and then a third broad in a spangly gown tricks the murdering broad into stealing the dead broad's shoes. next thing you know a whole village of badly dubbed midgets are singing a joyous ditty about being dead. wtf?!? i tend to keep a running narrative of television for the sake of the wee one but i found myself saying things like: 'oh! there's glenda the good witch! she's telling dorothy about...eh...the, uh, other...under the...oh! the munchkins! they're cheering because dorothy kill...i mean...dropped...uh...maybe barney is on.'

the whole cinematic experience is just wrong wrong wrong. at the end, turns out spangly dress broad was just KIDDING about the wizard and the shoes and the near-death and monkeys trying to eat everyone's eyeballs and, turns out, was just looking for dot to come to some sort of pathetic realization that her depressing orphan life in kansas is SO MUCH BETTER than the fancy color-changing horses and cobblestone streets and wanton homicide.

worst part? the whole time i was sitting in my living room watching this crap i did not - not even once - run into a jolie-pitt. the guy at blockbuster lied.